Only but briefly while raping and pillaging your tribe, ay?Ī joke! Apologies. Ah, yes, this is mine wife, Goody Clancy. Make no mistake, wife, I vow to secure a delicious feast from the natives. If I fail to negotiate food plentiful enough for our family and community, all of us are fated to starve to death. GOODMAN CLANCY Now here this, Goody Clancy. GOODMAN CLANCY, a Pilgrim, speaks privately to his wife in front of a wigwam. ’Cause this land was made for you and me. Sweet nothings, sweet nothings.Īlso, the porta-potties are over the hill on the right. And remember if you have your special day here at Kumquatanation National Park and Recreation Center, please tell your guests to only leave footprints and take away memories.īut be careful-these woods will take your heart and whisper your name. I wish you all the best as future husband and wife, mating is natural after all. I think it is a great place to watch the frolicking young cervidaes, or like the common idiot calls them-deer. If you choose to have your wedding here-you probably will, too. I call it that a lot.Įveryone seems to think this is a great place for pictures. Over to your right you can see the Bridge of New Beginnings arching over Shit Creek. And don’t get too close while posing for your photos. They shit up Shit Creek and there is nothing we can do to stop it. For some reason animals love to shit in this creek. Look at all those families picnicking near. As your park ranger and a park ranger to all-I must point out this creek. Some people love the gazebo-I love the tree. Let me point out that over to the left is the Gazebo of Dreams under the Salix babylonica-or weeping willow-as you all call it. Hey-boy!-get away from that pretty berry bush!-It may look ripe and delicious like a woman’s loin, but it will eat you alive and leave you burning. Not something I agree with, but my petitions have been denied several times. By law it is yours, the people’s, as well as mine. It may not bear my name, but we know each other. Something I take seriously, because it is serious. Now, it is my duty to show you the grounds. You don’t get this hat by just looking pretty. It was as vicious and backstabbing as I am sure you all are thinking-but worth the risks. I started my training as an intern when I was a young twelve-year-old lad, and have worked my way up the competitive park ranger ladder ever since. I am THE Park Ranger here at Kumquatanation National Park and Recreation Center. My name is Paul, as my nametag reads, no, not Paul Bunyon-although some say I am built like an ox. PAUL Watch your head here comes the branch of Ulmus castaneifolia or chestnut-leafed elm for those of you who are not in. PAUL is a park ranger, who is obsessed with the job. Make them laugh.Īnd for goodness’ sake, don’t do a monologue that isn’t actually funny ever again.Īlisha Gaddis Into the Woods with Love Alisha Gaddis Now’s the time to share the love and hilarity. Let these funny people help you make a living off being funny yourself. People that make a living off of being funny. This book was conceived because I know a lot of funny people. Leave the past in the past and prepare for hip, fresh, and hilariously now. You don’t want to look like an idiot with a bad monologue or a Flock of Seagulls haircut. And you want to be funny, so funny you book the job, land the part, steal the show!īut you have to have a comedic monologue, and everything you read is lame semiweird, and from 1983.Īnd you don’t want that. They want you to actually make them laugh. I know how it goes-because we have been there. The Rise of Everyone, the Fall of Me by Jeff Passinoīathroom Smiles by Meryl Branch-McTiernan Robert Before the Interview by Chrissy Swinko I Didn’t Kill My Wife by Jessica Glassbergīaby Daddy in Prison by Alessandra Rizzotti On a Bended, Bruised, Battered, and Broken Knee by Jeff BogleĮvolution of Masturbating by Kenny Madridīeef-It’s What’s for Dinner by Kate Ruppert Thanksgiving Blessings by Carla Cackowski Into the Woods with Love by Alisha Gaddis Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request. Published in 2015 by Applause Theatre & Cinema Books No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, without written permission, except by a newspaper or magazine reviewer who wishes to quote brief passages in connection with a review.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |